I'm Leaving

No the title’s not a joke or trick to get you to pay attention, I’m leaving dA. At least, I’m leaving this account and moving on with my art career elsewhere. I thought about what to write and what to say to you guys. I wondered if I should just post “I’m leaving dA for good, goodbye.” and leave it at that or if I should explain in a lengthy journal or just… disappear off the face of the earth without saying anything.

Since I’m a writer I’ve opted for a somewhat lengthy journal explaining why.

There’s several reasons why I’m leaving. The key one is that I’ve grown up. A lot. For part of the leaving process I cleared out 3 years’ worth of journals. I saw all the ups and downs of the past 3 years all in a few hours. I saw everything from having to give away my dog to my first gift of membership to meltdowns to health problems to getting my first glasses to the AC thing to starting and ending high school etc.  There was a lot of good mixed with some pretty bitter bads.

What stuck out to me was the 3-5 deviants that always showed up and always supported me during the roughest times. I’m definitely not leaving because of lack of support during the bad times; some of you guys were amazing with advice, hugs and just being there. That meant so much, thank you.

Some of the big goods were things like danlev, namenotrequired, Sooper-Deviant, moonbeam13 and several other big community names faved some of my works or articles. Or when someone like BrianKesinger approves of a comment you leave or someone like techgnotic or makepictures comments back to something you say and make your day. There are many more but those are some that stick with me a lot and made me very excited for the day.

Another key reason, which is part of growing up, is I made a few bad decisions. I let a few emotional meltdowns appear here, I alienated some of my watchers by writing about someone else and having all my watchers assume it was them when it wasn’t and unfortunately me speaking up for what I believe in also got me into some bad ‘fights’ with a few people. I’m sorry and I wish I could take those bad things back but I can’t.

Something else that factored in is that In the last 6 months I’ve lost nearly 2/3 of my watchers and went from 15 active… to 4. If anything super personal is posted and I might get a comment of help from 2-3 people a week later but as soon as I host a giveaway suddenly 10-15 people show up which to me doesn’t seem right.  I don’t want people to talk to me just because they’re gaining something, I want to be a person people talk to because they like or want to.

Lastly I feel very overly judged, watched and scrutinized after the AC incident. While I don’t remember what was said there, the repercussions are still very painful even 6+ months later. The joint contest miserably failed, I lost watchers, I have trust issues now because I don’t know who it was and I’m pretty sure based on some info I was given it was a watcher and/ or close friend of mine who posted that which really hurts.

I feel like people are coming around to judge every word I type and every line I draw and I don’t want to live like that anymore. I’m still afraid to post any pictures of myself (even though I slowly got back to that) and I’m afraid to host fun watcher events like the 9 truths 1 lie or memes that give out personal information like  things I like or dislike or location or name etc.

Those are a few of the things that factored into this choice and there’s many others I won’t bother to list. I’ve been thinking about leaving for several months now. The past 2 weeks I made some choices to make it become final like clearing out journals, storaging deviations, contacting my groups, etc.

Now here’s what will happen.

I still have a few pieces in contest and 2 gift drawings to finish. Those will be posted and I’ll still be around from time to time to answer comments etc. I won’t be doing anything more with commenting on journals or deviations etc and I’ll be un-watching people to keep my inbox emptier but I’ll be open to notes and communications with you guys.

I’ll still be granting some wishes with dAWishingWell (and I’ll still be accepting the points I won 4 months ago and still haven’t gotten etc.) I won’t be deactivating and I’ll be turning my page into a resource of community links until my membership expires. After I have no more membership I’ll just leave the links the best I can and still try to have it be a helpful page for the community.

If I do get a new account I probably won’t let anyone know. Association is a big thing to me and right the association here isn’t what’s best for me and my art. I attracted a lot of artist who were like I was when I first started and many of them haven’t changed while I have. I want to attract a different kind of audience and different brand of people to me by being more professional and taking my work seriously. Don’t get me wrong, I still love all you guys (which is why I’m sticking around to still communicate with you guys if you want) and I’ll still offer what support I can manage.

I’m not leaving because of you who will read this. If you’re my watcher and you read this you’ve probably been around for a long time and you’re awesome. You’re probably some of the most supportive and you’re some of the people I like to talk to the most. I appreciate your support so much and you’ve helped me change and grow in many goods ways. I will always remember you guys so please don’t blame yourselves or anything like that. This is personal stuff I have had to deal with and yeah.

Anyways I hope this explains solidly why I’ve chosen to leave.  It’s not because of any of you as far as I know and I honestly am ever grateful for your support and awesomeness. Thank you 1000’s over for the support in the rough times, the laughs in the good and the advice to help me grow. I wish you all the best and many blessings. You’re awesome and don’t forget that.

AJ